The truth about 'moving on' after trauma - what nobody tells you
- aimeebishopcounsel
- Feb 6
- 3 min read
"Just move on."
"You need to let it go."
"It's all in the past now."
"Haven't you gotten over that yet?"
If you've heard any of these statements, you know how unhelpful (and honestly, infuriating) they can be. These well-meaning but misguided comments completely miss what real trauma recovery looks like and what it actually takes to heal.
Common myths about trauma recovery
Let's start by addressing some of these frustrating myths about trauma recovery:
Myth 1: "Time heals all wounds"
Time alone doesn't heal trauma. As Dr. Judith Herman notes in her groundbreaking work, trauma recovery requires processing and integration, not just waiting it out (Herman, 1992). It's what you do with that time that matters.
Myth 2: "You just need to let it go"
If only it were that simple! The reality is that trauma isn't just stored in our thoughts - it lives in our bodies, our nervous systems, and our unconscious responses. Research has shown that trauma responses are physiological, not just psychological (Porges, 2011).
Myth 3: "It's all in the past"
Here's the thing about trauma - your body might still be responding to past events as if they're happening right now. That's not you being dramatic; it's your nervous system doing exactly what it's designed to do.
What trauma recovery looks like
Healing from trauma isn’t a straight line. It’s more like learning to dance. Sometimes you move forward, sometimes back, sometimes you're spinning in circles, and sometimes you're taking a breather by the wall. And you know what? That's all completely normal.
The reality is that:
Some days will feel like progress
Other days will feel like you're starting over
Both are part of the journey
Neither means you're doing it wrong
Ever noticed how trauma shows up in unexpected ways? Like random anxiety, difficulty sleeping, feeling on edge for "no reason" or physical symptoms that doctors can't explain.
This isn't you being "too sensitive" or "dramatic." Research has found that trauma leaves imprints on our bodies and brains that can't simply be thought away (van der Kolk, 2014).
What actually helps (and what doesn't)
You might have noticed by now that what you've been trying hasn't worked. You might have been forcing yourself to just "get over it", pretending that you're fine going it alone or trying to avoid all triggers.
The uncomfortable truth is that recovery isn't about "getting over it." It's about:
Processing what happened
Understanding your responses
Building new patterns
Creating safety in your body and life
Moving forward without leaving yourself behind
In Autumn 2024 I attended an immersion day in Oxford with Dr. Janina Fisher. I was in awe - this woman has been my therapy hero for years! Dr Fisher’s work is so important because it shows that integration, not elimination, is the goal in trauma recovery. That means bringing together the parts of ourselves that trauma wants to keep separated (Fisher, 2017).
In bringing you back to yourself, what often does help is:
Understanding your responses
Building a supportive environment
Working with your mind and body, not against them
Getting professional support when ready
Moving forward - at your pace
Moving on after trauma happens in your time, not anyone else’s. What matters isn't how fast you're going, but that you're moving in a direction that feels right for you.
Signs of progress might be subtle, like:
Noticing your triggers before they overwhelm you
Having moments where you feel more present
Being able to sit with difficult feelings a bit longer
Starting to trust your own experiences
A little note about hope: Hope isn't about pretending everything's fine. Real hope is about knowing that even though healing is complex, it's possible. Our brains have an amazing capacity for healing and rewiring - at any age (Perry & Szalavitz, 2017).
Looking for trauma-informed therapy in Surrey or online? Book a free discovery call to explore how I can support your healing journey.
References
Fisher, J. (2017). Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors. Routledge.
Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence. Basic Books.
Perry, B. D., & Szalavitz, M. (2017). The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog. Basic Books.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.
van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.
