"Why do I overthink everything?" The roots of second-guessing and self-doubt.

You want to make the right choice, but every option feels like a minefield.

Should I say yes or no?

Should I speak up or stay quiet?

Should I leave… or try harder?

If you find yourself agonising over decisions—big or small—you’re not just indecisive. You’re tired. Exhausted from trying to get it right all the time. Worn down by second-guessing yourself into paralysis.

Overthinking isn’t the problem in itself. It’s a symptom. A sign that your self-trust has been quietly eroded by years of pressure to keep everyone happy, avoid getting it wrong, and be the one who always gets it right.

Sound familiar?

Woman laid in the dark staring at her mobile phone ©Nubelson Fernandes

Overthinking feels like you’re being careful, but it's draining you

When you’re someone who values being thoughtful and considerate, it’s easy to mistake overthinking for being responsible. But when every decision leaves you anxious, stuck, or spiralling, that’s not careful. That’s crippling.

Overthinking can sound like:

• “What if I upset them?”

• “What if I regret it?”

• “What if I’m making a huge mistake?”

This constant questioning can become all-consuming. You spend so much energy trying to avoid the wrong choice that you forget you’re allowed to want what feels right for you.

The deeper patterns behind second-guessing

Most of the women I work with don’t come to therapy saying “I overthink.” They say things like:

“I can’t trust my own judgment.”

“I'm stuck and don’t know what to do next.”

“I keep replaying conversations and wondering if I said the wrong thing.”

Here’s what’s often underneath:

• People-pleasing: You’ve learned to prioritise others’ needs and avoid conflict, even if it means ignoring your own instincts.

• Fear of failure: You were praised for getting things right, so now making a mistake feels like a personal flaw rather than a learning moment.

• Inner critic on overdrive: Your internal voice constantly questions your choices, telling you you’ll mess it up or regret it later.

These are not flaws. They’re strategies you’ve developed to stay safe, accepted, or in control. But they come at the cost of your self-trust.

So how do you make decisions without spiralling?

This isn’t about becoming reckless or simply not caring. It’s about learning to feel safe trusting your inner voice again.

Start by:

• Pausing before you please: When making a decision, notice whether you are focused on what you actually want, or what will make others happy.

• Challenging the catastrophising: Ask yourself what the worst that could happen might be, and if you could handle it if it did. You’re often more resilient than your mind gives you credit for.

• Trusting your first instinct: That gut feeling you get before you start overthinking is often the most honest.

• Remembering that it’s OK to change your mind: Decisions don’t need to be perfect to be right for right now.

Therapy can help you rebuild self-trust

If overthinking and second-guessing are ruling your life, counselling can help you get underneath the noise.

Together, we’ll explore where your self-doubt began, how it’s been reinforced over time and, most importantly, how to start choosing from a place of confidence instead of fear.

You don’t need to analyse every possible outcome to make a good decision. You just need to start believing that you’ll be okay, whatever happens.

Curious about how therapy could help you get unstuck? Book a free, no-pressure discovery call here.