Feeling stuck? The hidden patterns keeping capable women in self-doubt

From the outside, everything looks fine. So why do you feel so stuck inside?

You’re doing well by everyone else's standards. Maybe you’ve got the career, the relationship, the goals. You’re organised, capable, and probably the one your friends go to for advice. But behind closed doors, there’s another story: constant second-guessing, a racing mind that won’t switch off, and a lingering sense of something’s not quite right.

You’re not alone. So many women who seem like they’ve got it all together struggle with exactly this. And the reason isn’t because you’re doing something wrong. It’s because you’ve been caught in patterns that feel normal, but quietly chip away at your self-trust over time.

Let’s break them down.

Woman smiling in the mirror ©Andrea Piacquadio

Looking like you're coping isn't the same as feeling ok

Being capable doesn’t mean you feel emotionally fine.

You’re juggling work, life, and other people’s expectations, and you look like you’re managing. But the internal cost is high: self-doubt, emotional exhaustion, and a creeping sense of being disconnected from yourself.

What makes this so sneaky? On the surface, there’s nothing wrong. But you still feel stuck, like you’re going through the motions, waiting to feel more confident, more settled, more you.

The hidden patterns keeping you stuck

The truth is, most of us don’t wake up one day and choose to be stuck. It’s usually the result of long-standing patterns that once helped us cope, but now keep us in a loop of self-doubt and overthinking.

Let’s name a few:

• Self-blame: When something goes wrong, your first instinct is to look inward and ask yourself, "What did I do wrong?" You carry the weight of everyone’s emotions and take responsibility for things that were never yours to hold.

• Perfectionism: You hold yourself to impossibly high standards. Even when you achieve something, your mind skips to what could’ve been better. The bar is always moving, so you never quite feel good enough.

• Overthinking: Every decision becomes a minefield. You replay conversations, analyse reactions, and second-guess your gut until you’re completely paralysed by options and what-ifs.

These patterns might feel familiar because they’re so common among women who are used to keeping it all together. They’re often coping strategies shaped by past experiences, especially if you’ve grown up being praised for being the ‘good girl,’ the ‘helper,’ or the one who keeps it together.

Freedom from stuckness starts with awareness

You can’t change what you can’t see. The first step to breaking these cycles is recognising them. Not seeing them as personal failings, but as understandable responses to life experiences.

Here’s where you can start:

• Get curious, not critical. Instead of judging yourself for overthinking or doubting, pause and ask yourself "What’s this really about?" Often, there’s an old fear or belief underneath it.

• Notice your automatic patterns. When you find yourself spiralling into self-blame or indecision, see if you can slow down. What triggered it? What are you telling yourself in that moment?

• Allow yourself to want more. You don’t have to be in crisis to seek change. Feeling stuck is reason enough to explore what’s really going on.

Therapy can help you untangle the stuckness

If you’re recognising yourself in these words, know that you don’t have to stay stuck. The women I work with are capable, thoughtful, brilliant—and tired of living with the weight of constant overthinking and self-doubt.

Therapy can help you identify the hidden patterns keeping you stuck, challenge the beliefs that no longer serve you, and rebuild your trust in your own voice.

You don’t need to have all the answers, just a willingness to start.

Ready to explore how therapy could help? Book a free, no-pressure discovery call here and let’s find a way forward, together.